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Last week I posted that DH had taken a fall. He’s been in the hospital in the ICU since he was admitted.

Not being able to see your loved one, not being able to visit, maybe being able to call is difficult. You don’t realize how much that little bit of contact can mean. I can call, but DH doesn’t always answer. But I’m not allowed to go to the hospital, I can’t send him anything, we’re cut off from each other.

When DH was taken to the hospital, we had been at urgent care. The ambulance took him, and the drivers “suggested” that I not go along. They told me to just go home, and wait to be called. It was probably the best advice, but it also meant that I wasn’t able to be there when he was admitted. Since I took him to the urgent care first, I didn’t get to send him off with any pajamas, no robe, no toothbrush, nothing that I would normally have packed.

One thing they had mentioned was that if I attempted to go to the hospital, I would have to wait in line with other people to be screened before I “might” be allowed in. Since then, when I have spoken to the nurses they have all said, no, don’t come. When I’ve asked about dropping anything off for him, they’ve basically said no. They’ve been nice about it, but the answer has been no.

Its not easy when you are forced to stay away. You don’t feel like you really know what’s going on. Its not that hospital personnel are lying to you, but right now you realize that they are overworked and not all information may be conveyed to you. And you feel more connected and assured when you can actually see your loved one. There are so many little things you know that the hospital probably doesn’t Little things like why the patient doesn’t want to eat early breakfast, but might want to eat mid morning, because that’s what they do at home. That they like to be warm, that they get cold easily. These are things the hospital wouldn’t know, and if you were there you could tell them or help your loved one be comfortable. In different times, I might bring a sweater, maybe a polar fleece jacket, something that would help DH be more comfortable.

But right now, that’s not an option. Its hard on the patient, but its also hard on the family. You feel so helpless. You want to do something, but you simply can’t. You want to be there for the one you love, but its not possible. The feeling of helplessness can be all encompassing.

Yesterday I had an unfortunate “misunderstanding”. I got a call, where the person apparently used the wrong verbiage. I’m sure this happens, hopefully not too frequently, but it can be very upsetting (shocking might be a better phrase. I literally just sat there, couldn’t even cry).

I’m not sure how other people handle this separation and lack of knowledge. Knowing that so many people in the hospital may be getting calls about loved ones passing, wanting to know their condition, I can appreciate how shocked people feel. In my situation, I got a call about hospice, then they back pedaled saying someone would be calling me. I didn’t get another call clarifying what they meant. It was a tough night not knowing what is going on.

At this point I’m still not entirely sure what’s going on with my DH. Even when I spoke with someone today, I feel I’m getting not quite full information. I’m sure part of it is that the situation changes constantly. But this is part of the problem with being unable to see you’re loved one. That lack of knowledge, that unknown, that emptiness.

DH, my hear husband, took a fall today. He banged his head pretty badly, bloodied his shirt, it was running down his head. I was able to get him to an urgent care unit close by.

That was an interesting experience. This particular urgent care had a note on the door. They said to text your car information, your symptoms, name, birth date, etc. to the number listed. They came out to the car to screen you first. They gave you a clipboard with forms to fill out, and took temperatures. And of course they took a look at the reason you were there. We were lucky, we were taken in rather quickly. Probably because we both had no fevers, no cough, and my DH was obviously bleeding from his head.

Not sure what to do, while waiting in the car I called DH’s regular doctor. Not too surprisingly, the doctor suggested we stay at urgent care rather than go directly to the hospital. He said had we gone to the hospital, we would have to wait in line with everyone else. This way, going to urgent care, if possible the urgent care center could take care of whatever was necessary.

Unfortunately DH is now in the hospital. The urgent care did feel he needed more significant medical attention. They called an ambulance and had him transported to the hospital.

DH has been in the hospital since Monday, but I am not allowed in the hospital to see him. I was told not to go in the ambulance with him, that I probably would not be allowed in. So now in the time of Covid, there is no visiting loved ones in the hospital.

I am able to call and speak to DH daily, I call him twice a day. I can speak to the nurses, I’ve even spoken to the doctor, but no going in. They’ve had to call me with any questions they’ve had. Its the only way to work during these times.

I hope nobody else has to go thru this, but I know others do. My heart goes out to all of them, to everyone who has to go thru this. It easy to say, your loved ones are being cared for, but it does make you feel better. There is a loneliness, helplessness being at home without your loved one. And it’s all the harder knowing you can’t go see them.

I’m not trying to be depressive, I’ve got dogs at home to keep me company. I still have to walk them, so I do get up, shower, get dressed, eat, walk the dogs, etc. That helps, but I still miss DH. Hopefully he comes home soon.

For anyone who hasn’t had contact with the world for the past couple of weeks, we are now living in the time of COVID-19, aka coronavirus. Here in Austin, TX restaurants no longer allow you to be seated inside and eat meals. But you are allowed take out or delivery. You are not supposed to be in groups of more than 10. Schools are closed most places. Most public places are closed, think theaters and libraries. We’re supposed to stay at least 6 feet away from other people. That means quite a few personal services, think hair dressers, main salons, department stores, are closed. Places like pharmacies and grocery stores are still open. Other places may vary, depending on what they can arrange. In other words some places are having employees work from home if possible.

Some places are coming up with creative idea. Places like Michael’s are doing car delivery, so you place an order on-line, tell them when you will come pick up your order. When you arrive they will put your order in your trunk. Its one way to keep business. But many people have been laid off. Its going to make for some very tough times ahead.

But there are a few things that surprise me about their suggestions. They keep telling us to wash our hands. I’m not opposed to that, its something I tend to do a lot. What I don’t get is why do they have to tell us? Do that many people not wash their hands? don’t people washing their hands after going to the bathroom, while cooking, after touching things?

Another thing that is interesting, is they keep telling people to stay home if you’re sick. If you are sick, is there a good reason why you want to go out? I understand where you may feel you need to go out, grocery shopping, doctors appointment, but what about infecting others.Don’t people think about that anymore?

I do realize some people may be sick and not know it. But if you know you’re sick, have you so little regard, respect, caring for others that you don’t care if you get them sick? Or do you think its just unreal, not true that you’re actually ill, or that its actually serious? Right now they are saying that the mortality rate (those that will die from this virus) is about 1% (subject to change). If that’s true, then out of every 100 people at least 1 will die from this virus. It may be more likely to take the elderly, but do you want to kill off your parents or your grandparents?

It makes me wonder what we as a society have become.

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