Its getting worse. He’s still driving, I think more to prove to himself that he can. But he doesn’t want to go outside areas we know. He wants to stay in places and roads that we drive on a regular basis. No new roads or highways for him. I’m okay with that.
But he knows he’s getting worse. Its affecting his confidence in himself. He doesn’t say that, but he shows it by how he acts. He’s quieter, as if he’s afraid of making mistakes, so he’d rather not say much rather than show to someone that he doesn’t remember something. It like not talking about a friend because you can’t remember their name. Don’t do anything where you might have to make a show that you are forgetting, that you are losing your mind.
He calls it that, losing his mind. I don’t like the sound of that. It feels so fatal, I feel like its tempting the gods. Like he’s tempting fate. Trying in some way to say this can’t happen to him. But it is happening. He’s forgetting words, forgetting phrases. He’s forgetting the work he did.
And yet, there are times when he remembers. a friend calls, he’s relaxed, and he can remember. He remember jobs he’s done before, work he did. He can remember names, products, dates, even how to perform steps of an operation. It seems, I least I think it seems, as if when he’s relaxed he can remember better. But he can get so anxious so easily. Its not easy for him to be this relaxed.
He’s having enough problems he actually asks to meet with his doctor. He is not one to request to see his doctor. Its more like he sees his doctor when he actually has to, when someone forces or convinces him that there is a good reason. But now he’s asking to see his doctor. He really can’t remember things, he knows it, and he wants to see a doctor.
At his appointment he sits quietly. When the doctor arrives he takes him a few tries to remember the doctor’s name. He’s been seeing this same doctor for over five years, but he can’t remember his name. As he talks to the doctor, I can tell he’s getting upset, and as he gets upset he begins having trouble remembering. I can tell he’s getting stressed over this.
His doctor suggests my husband see a neurologist. He recommends one close by, in the same office building. The first concern is to check him for other problems that could be causing these troubles.
Since DH does have some other known problems, this suggestions makes sense, and gives him a sense of ease. This will be all right, maybe he just needs a change to his medications.
The first test is a sleep study. Surprisingly the sleep study shows what we expect. That’s not really good news, but its not bad news. In some ways its not news. Its pretty much what we expect. He does have narcolepsy, but he also has sleep apnea. That’s not really surprising, his snoring can waking the dead.
Not much of new development, it really just seems like we’re hearing what we expect. They want to do more tests, and we do but we have a trip arranged, so he’ll do the tests then get the results after we get back.
We get ready for the trip. I make sure I help him with his packing. The good news is he has a detailed packing list that includes pretty much everything he needs. So all we have to do is follow the list. The trip had be arranged a year ago so there’s not much we have to do.
Or so we expect.
The packing goes well. We both get ready for the trip. We arrange for a driver to get us to the airport, well in advance of the flight.
But the gods have been tempted.
Things don’t quite go as planned.
The driver arrives but the vehicle breaks down – right in the middle of the driveway. We can’t take our car, it is blocked by the shuttle service vehicle. The driver lifts the hood, thinking it might be something he can deal with. No such luck. He calls the office.
Its just a bad time. All the drivers are busy. It will be an hour until someone can come to get us. Can’t we take our own car, they won’t charge us for the driver showing up? The driver explains his car is blocking any chance of that. He takes the time to try to get his car moved enough to get out of the way. The time creeps by.
Finally we get a call, there’s another driver on their way. But this second driver already has three other pick ups to make in addition to ours – we make number four. And now enough time has passed, the traffic is building. The second driver arrives, calls the company and explains what he finds. Our driver is still trying to figure out how to get his vehicle towed so it can be fixed. At least he’s figured out how to back it up so its out of the way, sort of.
We get our luggage loaded, get ourselves in the vehicle, and we go. The worse should be behind us. We should make it to the airport in time, catch our flight, and be on our way.
No such luck.
The other pick ups are all taking their time. It doesn’t take much to make everyone late. Just add a few minutes here, a few minutes there, a bit of unexpected traffic, an accident, slow lights – bam you are late.
We arrive at the airport to be told we are sorry, but you’re flight left already. You’re just 5 minutes too late.
The nightmare isn’t over.
Originally we would have just one connection, then land at our destination around 4pm. But now we’ll have to buy new tickets, and there isn’t a way to get us just one connection, nor get us there by the afternoon. We’ll have to wait a few hours until we begin our journey. We’ll have two connections, and two different airlines. We’ll bounce north, then south, then north to our destination. And if all goes well, we’ll arrive around midnight.
Dinner is at a terminal at LAX. Just so much fun. No quiet dinner with friends as originally planned.
DH is slowly collapsing under the weight of these trip changes.