Our trip was supposed to be a relaxing cruise going from Vancouver, Canada down the west coast of the US, down to Mexico then finishing back up in San Diego. And it had started off with a bang, and not a good one.
After all the flight issues, we made it into Vancouver late in the evening, like midnight late. We were able to get our luggage, find a taxi, and arrive at the hotel as quickly as we could have hoped for. We arrived at the hotel, and collapsed in bed and slept the night away.
The next morning we were able to have a lovely breakfast in the hotel dining room. We had a few hours in the hotel until we were take a shuttle to the cruise terminal. I remember they had an area downstairs with chairs, and couches we could rest in while we waited. Just outside the glass windows was an area for vehicles. So we could watch cars come and go. At one point a motorcycle group, I can’t call them a gang. They looked like more mature gentlemen on a group tour. They were all dressed in leathers, with saddlebags on they bikes. It was obvious that were on a road trip, they had stayed at the same hotel as we had. Unfortunately as one gentleman was getting prepared to leave, he accidentally managed to drop his bike. The group were on a variety of bikes – I remember Triumphs and Harley Davidson bikes. I felt for him. It had to be embarrassing to drop your motorcycle in front of a group of strangers. It took a couple of men to help him pick his bike back up. Once he was back up on his bike, the group took off in formation to wherever they were going.
It was a short ride, the hotel was much closer to the cruise terminal than I had expected. Since we had arrived late at night, I had had no time to look around or orient myself. But it was nice to not have a long ride. While going thru cruise security I tripped and fell. It was nothing serious but I fell on my hip and tried to break my fall with my hand.
The medics at the terminal came over to check me out. I was able to get up on my own, and at first did not want any help. One of them gave me a look and nicely told me, why not let them do their job. Besides it gave them something to do, it got boring just standing around watching these people board their cruise. I could understand what they were trying to tell me, so I let them check me for injuries. Nothing was broken, I felt just more shook up than anything. I didn’t even have a scratch. But I was definitely sore from the fall.
Within a few hours, shortly after the safety drill, I found the pain in my arm, the one I braced myself with was increasing quickly. DH and I went down to the ship medical center to see the doctor. As he noted also, nothing appeared to be broken, but it was definitely sore and painful to the touch. Since I normally carry analgesics (in my case ibuprofen) when I travel I just returned to my cabin to make use of what I had. By dinner time, rather than go to the formal dining room, I decided eating at the buffet made more sense. And it was easier to ask for help as the pain continued to increase.
My husband didn’t even notice my pain. He was totally oblivious to what was happening with me. DH was not able to notice or tell that I was in pain, crying while I attempted to eat. He could not understand what was happening. And when I tried to explain what was happening to me, he didn’t remember being next to me when I fell, nor did he remember accompanying me to see the doctor. We returned to our cabin for the night. He didn’t understand what was happening around him, that was obvious.
I had a hard time sleeping with that much pain. Both the physical pain I was in, and the emotional hurt of someone who had no understanding of what was happening to those around him.
As things would happening, my shoes broke before one of the ports. Luckily it was a large enough city I was able to call a store while we were in port, “order” a pair of shoes, pay for them, and get them picked up before we left port. Surprisingly, my husband was able to get to the store, only a few blocks from the terminal, pick up the shoes and get them to me on the ship. He did all that without a single problem. But at least now I had a pair of shoes I could wear.
For DH, it wasn’t going to get better. Slowly those around us noticed he wasn’t interested in speaking as much as before. The man who loved to talk with others, give suggestions, throw ideas at people, was quiet. Even when friends asked him his opinion, he would demur. He didn’t give ideas, he didn’t give suggestions, he didn’t say much. He was actually quiet. Rather than have some wild new idea, or off the cuff remark, he would be silent. There were times friends noticed he almost seemed to be sleeping while sitting there. He wasn’t sleeping, but he wasn’t engaging in conversation either.
Why was this happening? I have no valid idea. I have guesses. I’m guessing all the people, the change in daily routine may have just been overwhelming for him. A circuit that overloads will throw a break (as I understand it), and that’s what it seemed like was happening to him. It was too many people, to much change, too much noise, so he just shut down. Is that accurate, I’m not sure. But its the best description I have for what I understand.
Even taking a break, just walking around the ship, or having a massage wasn’t enough to help him quiet the madness he felt going on around him.
He was so confused, I felt bad for him. But I didn’t know what to do to help him. How do you give someone their normal routine on a ship, surrounded by people they either don’t know or know but don’t see often enough to remember. The fact these were friends didn’t help. they cared about him, but that wasn’t enough to make a difference.
At one port, we stopped to see a friend we hadn’t seen for a few years. DH had kept in touch with them and had made arrangements to meet them months before we left on the trip. But now, he was having trouble. I had to find the information with those arrangements. Since I had not made them, I didn’t have the specifics. He seemed to want to see this old friend. But at the same time, he seemed reluctant to go off the ship and see them. Maybe if they came to him, that would have been easier on him. But of course, I didn’t have a way to make that happen. As it was, they were expecting us, and I had no easy way to warn them about the changes they could expect.
As I tried to find the instructions, and find directions to the meeting place, I wondered how to explain my DH. Luckily, our friend was so happy to see us, being their exuberant and vivacious self that they didn’t mention what they noticed. But notice they did. And as the day slowly passed, it became more and more apparent that my DH was just not participating. He couldn’t even choose something to drink, the choices overwhelmed him. In the end we finally decided to find a place close to the cruise ship to rest and eat. Even placing an order to eat was difficult for him. Luckily, since we were in Mexico, it was easy to pick something he understood from the menu. In some ways it was a relief to sit and eat. Trying to walk around town with him had been like trying to drag someone behind you who couldn’t walk.
Everything overwhelmed him. The language, the noise, the music, the smells and aroma were foreign to him. The cars moving past seemed to not follow the normal expectations. The potholes in the roads meant many of the cars bounced around instead of rolling smoothly down the road. I could understand where some of it may not make sense, but to me, it was different, but not so different that it didn’t make sense. What he thought of it, I could only guess. I asked, but he couldn’t seem to articulate what he felt.
DH inability to find words had finally progressed to where he had trouble articulating his feelings. When you can’t describe what you feel, it becomes difficult to communicate much, and difficult for others to understand your needs. And he was having trouble communicating much at all.
By the end of the day, there was no doubt in our friends mind that DH had gone through definite changes. But why and what kind of changes, nobody really knew. They were kind with their questions, but understood him no better than I did.
I felt sorry in so many ways for my friend. What I’m sure they thought would be a great reunion of friends became more like watching a train wreck in slow motion. In this case, it was like watching someone disintegrate in front of your eyes. Our friend was sweet about it, but the fact was, DH was uncommunicative, overwhelmed, quiet, unable to made decisions – in short he was a shadow of the man they knew.
The rest of the trip was not much better.
What should have been a fun filled trip, seeing old friends, and learning new things, became an exercise in trying to keep DH calm and functioning. It wasn’t easy.
But it was obvious to all who had seen and been around my DH, that he had definitely changed.
I was glad to finally make it home. It was something of a relief to be back in a familiar place.
That relief wouldn’t last long.